Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: A Hilarious Medley of Absurd Side Quests
Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just a brutally realistic medieval RPG; it's a comedic masterpiece brimming with unexpected absurdity. The following recounts some of the most ludicrous side quests encountered during my Bohemian adventures. These tales avoid main storyline spoilers, focusing solely on the game's unpredictable charm.
Table of Contents:
- Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
- Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
- Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
- Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
- Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
- Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, fighting arena, and tavern, is home to two indolent troubadours dreaming of Bohemian musical domination. Their problem? A lack of funds, an instrument, and any artistic direction.
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Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a quest involving lute theft (risking arrest), procuring sheep gut strings, and even hauling sacks to settle their debts. Finally, with instrument, freedom, and inspiration secured, their "reward" is a soul-crushingly boring song about Henry's mundane tasks. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I laugh uncontrollably.
Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by the inebriated Vojtěch, who, after a wolf encounter, finds himself clinging to a tree. The intended rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse, and assisting his sobriety. However, I chose to deliver him directly to the tavern.
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The trek was arduous, but Vojtěch's displeasure upon arrival was priceless. He refused further aid, his parting words a memorable blend of frustration and resentment. Our next encounter yielded only a grudging offer of a view from behind his shack.
Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
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The Polovtsians, responsible for Henry's family's tragedy, were encountered in a tavern. My initial rage quickly dissipated as I found myself socializing, matchmaking, and even singing with them. Then, a talking dog interrupted, launching into a philosophical discourse on life's purpose. Inspired (or perhaps intoxicated), I accepted his lake-swimming challenge ("Don't Drown!"), surviving with much laughter.
Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
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After mastering stealth, a single botched heist turned me into Bohemia's most wanted. My escape from a guard barracks, while unnoticed initially, was betrayed by my flashy accessories and lingering scent. The game's attention to detail is astonishing.
Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
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A stolen horse, a sleeping gypsy horse trader (Mikolaj), and a hasty escape resulted in the horse bolting home. Waiting for Mikolaj's leisurely awakening (porridge, spoon-licking, and all) before finally selling the horse was a masterclass in unexpected delays.
Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out
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These are just glimpses into the game's unique charm. Every action, however minor, has unforeseen consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with canines, the game's realism and immersive world make every playthrough a unique and hilarious adventure. Bohemia awaits!
